Paying for private school

Tips and tricks for sending your child to private school

Category: Why do it (page 1 of 2)

Reasons people send their children to private school

Recently on a message board I occasionally read, a parent was wondering if they should send their child to private school. So she asked the parents of other private school children if her child would feel poor compared to other families and feel bad about themselves as a result.

One respondent decided to inform the original poster on the real reason they were considering private school:

If it were truly “education” that you care about, your kid would be in a high performing public school. Private school parents care more about the “experience” which is code for “rubbing shoulders with rich people to learn their values and customs and not hard working immigrant values.”

Angry person art

By SmurfyOwn work, Public Domain, Link

Wow, I am glad that respondent cleared it up for them – I bet the parent didn’t even know they were against education!

This kind of shaming response is quite common and the main reason for this web site. Those kind of knee jerk responses assumes that parents send their kids to private school to “rub shoulders with the rich people and learn their customs”.

I attended private schools for 12 years and have paid for a child to attend one nearly as long.

Not once in this time have I seen or heard anyone doing some sort of anthropological study of the ways of the wealthy. Indeed, all the kids attend all the same classes and, at many schools, are required to wear the same clothing (uniforms) to avoid status from being an issue.

Here are the reasons I have actually heard from parents sending their children to private or independent charter schools, as well as home schooling.

  • School matches the families religion
  • Alignment with the family values
  • Specialized learning environment where the private school focused on particular area such as
    • Special needs
    • College preparation
    • Military career preparation schools
    • The arts (dance, theater etc.)
    • An international based education where the child learns the language of their culture (very good for diplomats who will need to return to their country at the end of service)
    • Greek tradition (sports and academic having equal weight)
  • Smaller class size enabling better learning outcomes
  • Additional learning resources are available in some of the private schools – one I know of has Ipads, the other offers horseback riding for kids (apparently it calms the kids who have sensory issues).

I am sure I am missing some. And I would love to hear from any parent that sends their kids to private school to study the culture and norms of wealthy people to learn their ways!

And for everyone else – I do want to assure you that selecting a private school means you are focused on providing a good education for your child. And an educated child becomes an educated adult which benefits all of society. Keep up the great work and sacrifice and thank you.

 

Build the Catherdral

For over half a century Trappist monk Justo Gallego has been building a cathedral in Spain. Led by his calling and with no formal training his effort has resulted in incredible results

Justo Gallego. Source: wikipedia

Justo Gallego. Source: wikipedias been a slow and steady building up of something beautiful. He expects no return on investment and, while accepting help, he has to be the driving force behind it, day after day, month after month, year after year.

I love this story. We as parents all of us are doing the same for our children. One way we do this is to match our

child’s needs to the appropriate school. And if you are at this site, you have selected, or are considering, a private school as one possible option.

Justo might be a little bit crazy. And many of us have  heard that we are nuts for wasting money on private school tuition. But wouldn’t it be nice to create something beautiful  for someone else?– In this case a series of experiences, lessons and morale frameworks for your children and the broader community.

You can do this. We can help.

 

Public school teacher sends child to private school

A public school teacher  wrote an article for The Atlantic on Why I’m a Public-School Teacher but a Private-School Parent

Public school teacher perspective

This was written by person who has 40 years experience working within the system;

“ …I’m not trying to be combative, but I do find it ironic that many people who argue against private schools work in the private sector. For 20 years, I have deliberately invested my life in teaching public-school kids, coaching them, and advocating for the ones who don’t have the same support that other kids have. In fact, I chose to teach in a public high school precisely because I pitied the children who felt forced to be at school, who felt trapped like I did when I was their age. I spend my own time and money advising clubs, tutoring those who struggle with English, helping students apply for college, and, sometimes, feeding kids who aren’t sure if they’re going to have dinner. On a daily basis, even as I’m surrounded by a million competing interests and distractions, I work hard to make their compulsory experience something for which they would volunteer….I am, however, concerned about the general culture at public schools—at least at the ones I’ve seen—of disengagement and compulsory learning. So when it comes to my daughter, I opt to invest a little more—to ensure she’s immersed in a community where it’s acceptable, and even admirable, to show natural enthusiasm for knowledge. I trust this particular private school, one that was created by like-minded parents, will best set her up for success.”[1]

Old School House Sign - Source: Wiki Commons

Old School House Sign – Source: Wiki Commons

Choose what makes sense for your family

The point here is not to bash on public schools. It is about choice. Choosing to send your child to a school that matches your value system. This may be a public school. And it may be a private school. And there is nothing wrong with either choice despite what others may tell you.

[1] http://www.theatlantic.com/education/archive/2015/03/why-im-a-public-school-teacher-but-a-private-school-parent/386797/

Education options

Public education has many benefits – it provides standardized and excellent education. It is a safety net and builds community and a shared appreciation for democratic values. And it solves a core challenge which is providing education to all children. It’s a great solution – particularly when you consider what life was like before it. 

However, in the course of human history it is new.

For most of human history education has been private in nature and provided at home and by the community and religious organizations.

What is best for your child? What values do you want them to learn? Is the state the right provider of education for your situation?

Values over facts and figures

Who your child becomes as a person (values) is way more important than what they know (academic achievement).

Maybe it’s not for you

If you have doubts that public school is a match for you have come to the right place. We assert that the quality of private education, through market forces, in aggregate, will provide a more balanced education your child. Read on to learn more.

Occasionally, when other parents find we send our child to private school, they discuss their thought process for their own children.

Wait and see

For the few that consider private school as a possible path, a recurring theme  I have heard for those that can afford it is that they will wait to see if the child has potential to justify the expenses.

Old School House Sign - Source: Wiki Commons

Old School House Sign – Source: Wiki Commons

And I get that one wouldn’t want to waste money but I struggle with their wait-and-see viewpoint.

Who should go?

Shouldn’t all children be educated to their potential, even if it is not ‘success’  by conventional  standards? Indeed, isn’t a struggling child the ideal case for a private education and most likely to see beneft?

If it makes sense for your situation, move now to develop that potential and make it inevitable.

Tell your children they are a more worthwhile investment and more important than a supersized house.

Villa Haas Mansion - Source: Wiki Commons

Villa Haas Mansion – Source: Wiki Commons

What your child needs and how it connects to education

In the early 1940’s Abraham Maslow published an article entitled A Theory of Human Motivation in n Psychological Review magazine. There he described a hierarchy of needs which include physiological, safety, belonging, esteem and self-actualization. They are a hierarchy because if you don’t have the basics of reliable food sources and safety (the base) in place that will be your focus until they are in an acceptable state.

Balance

It is the highest level, the self-actualization part (morality, creativity, spontaneity, problem solving, critical thinking), where private school can help out. During my own private education I certainly didn’t appreciate the time we spent on faith, spiritual development and intentional creativity.

Don’t over specialize

Later in life I was stunned to meet colleagues who have excellent technical depth in their chosen field but limited development in other areas. Many of them suffer from uncertainly, lack of trust and a feeling of being trapped.

At one work place the lack of civility and empathy became so severe that training was required for all employees. The training has clear guidance on things like “talk straight”.

Think about that for a minute. Talk straight is a nice way of saying “do not lie”. Many of my colleagues struggled to master these new skills and often revert back to old patterns. How horrible it must be to go through life to not be trusted and to know you are not trust worthy. That self-actualization need will be is a very tough rung to reach for some of my colleagues who are their core are good people.

Compass Source, Romary, Wiki Commons

Compass Source, Romary, Wiki Commons

It dawned on me that my 12 years of theology, day after day, week after week, year after year, ever so slowly, gave me a firm foundation. Private schools have the freedom to teach a value system that matches your own.

It’s not about the academics

I have said it before here but I want to re-iterate to those of you considering private school for your child but didn’t attend one yourself; it is not about the academics. Focus on who your child becomes, not the facts and skills they know. Give them that firm foundation.  My child has been at his private school for almost 10 years. I still don’t know the schools relative academic standing to other private schools or the nearby public schools. The academics simply has to be good enough in my opinion.

 

 

 

 

 

Why not improve your local school instead of sending your children to private school?

In an article over at LearnVest a parent graciously describes the details  and sacrifices of why they send their children to private school  to help educate us and share their story.

The comments in response to the article were filled with criticisms.

One comment stood out;

“I love the “we had no choice” but to put our kid in private [school] argument.  Why not put your kid in the public school and spend some energy improving the school? “

I honor and respect those who sacrifice by staying in a difficult environment to make things better.  They reject better choices for their family for the good of the community.

So lets extend this persons line of thinking to explore the principal behind it. Couldn’t the family take public transportation every where and become vocal advocates? Or move to a food desert and use their earning power and ability to problem solve to help the entire community have access to fruit and vegetables?

What I don’t understand is the willingness to put someone else (in this case, their children) in an environment that needs improvement on multiple levels that are unlikely to be solved in the time they are there.

Another alternative is to send your child to a private school that teaches social activism and key life skills. Thinking longer term, an adult who  will spend a life time thinking about how to help others and will have the tools and financial means to do is another valid way to help both the family and the broader community.

Is it wrong to go to private school?

In a conversation with friends, they made the case that it is wrong for parents to not send their children to public schools.

Are they right?

It is wrong and elitist to send your child to private school?

The argument proposed has a similar stance to that of insurance or immunization – we all have to do it for the overall system to be effective.

Their line of thinking was this: the diversity of income, education and perspectives creates a better situation for all.

For example, the mechanic can provide both material support and assess the conditions of the shop class. The lawyer can monitor what is expected, and, if needed, use the legal system to ensure the children are getting the resources needed. Meanwhile the single parent who is working three jobs benefits from the extra set of eyes and benefiting from the diversity of the community. The worse the school district the better the benefit.

Public Domain, https://commons.wikimedia.org/w/index.php?curid=700891

High Court Bench – Source Wiki Commons

This is a compelling argument. So let’s take it further. If we seek to optimize this benefit it would make sense that we all live in public housing. Clearly, it is unethical to pick a house based on your preference. Surely a well heeled lawyer could do wonders to improve the community. And a police officer and their family would be a welcome presence to thwart malfeasance. Along this line of thinking if you are an involved parent you can make the most difference if you send your child to the *worst* possible school available. Certainly your child will suffer as a result because of the time it takes to reform a school but it is for the greater good. Right?

Similar arguments have been made for public transit and even employment sharing. And on paper it sounds good.

The role of self interest and competition

The observed reality is a bit different.

In a resource constrained environment a lawyer will understandably use their limited time to focus on the needs of *their* child which they understand best and have a prime interest in. Other children might lose attention as a result. After all, the squeaky wheel gets the grease. And that wheel might sue. And the police officer in a dangerous public housing project will want to protect *their* family. Why should they have to patrol their own neighborhood after a long overnight shift after already doing that somewhere else? Should they have to work for free after a long day? Isn’t that a shared responsibility of everyone in the neighborhood?

Instead, grade the schools

An alternate model is one where schools competes to serve the needs of all the attending children. Those that fail too many for too long shut down. Those that do well can grow their system and benefit from economies of scale. This free market approach does require regulation (and for education, lots of it) but in aggregate it is a pretty good system in other areas. That is today’s private school system.  And home schooling. And the public school charter school system.

Indeed, the reason we send our child to a private school has nothing to do with academics and everything to do with the school naturally working faith and reverence into each day. That is important to us. For others it might be a school with a world class music program.

We donate beyond the required tuition and will likely send money long after our child has graduated because we want to see the religious framework of that school continue. Many of the children attend for free based on economic need. And you should see the children who graduate. They are concerned about social justice, have a sense of right and wrong internalized and have the academic framework to be able to make a difference. And that is good for everyone.

 

 

Are you a bad person for sending your kid to private school?

A recent slate article proposed that if you send your kid to private school you are a bad person.

The thesis for this claim is that if every single child to public school they would improve.

No studies or data are presented to back this up.

And she might be right – but convince us!

Will putting more people into a bad system help? Maybe. But why didn’t it help from the previous generation? Or the one before that? Were those parents lazy? Didn’t they use their influence and connections to improve the education system? Is it better?

An alternate approach is creative destruction. In a system where bad actors (second rate phone companies, restaurants that get everyone sick) are allowed to fail and good actors (first rate phone companies, barf-free restaurants) are enabled to thrive, over time, the bias tends towards more good actors.

That is the private school system. A public school can be reformed but, until folks move away it can also continue to operate “as is”. Indeed, private schools put pressure on public schools to get better by their higher performance. I emotionally get the “we all need to go to public schools to improve it”. Then I think of the clogged roads and how teleworking is opting out and improves

caption2

Does more here help? Image attribution: CC BY-SA 2.5, Link

my circumstances and enables more of a scare resource (roads) to be more available to those who need it.

We can do better than sacrificing a child’s education in the hopes that doing so might improve the over all system. A better use of these energies is to educate the children who need it now and thereby raising the standard upon which all schools are evaluated.

The simple life

One advantage of sending your child to private school is that much of your income goes along with them. As a result it limits the other available choices because you have much less discretionary income.

Fretting over a grand tour of Europe? Fret no more! You aren’t going!

This extreme financial constraints limit your choices and the resulting simplification actually leads to longer term happiness. It is known as the paradox of choice.

Have you always wanted to simplify your life? Now you can! And what better way than the assurance of a monthly tuition bill.  To be clear this isn’t about poverty – this is about voluntary simplicity. It is an interesting side effect we have noticed over years of sending the kiddo to a private school.

Read more about it in this outstanding book The Paradox of Choice (you are going to have a lot of time on your hands).

Oh, and for the trip? Easy, you are either staying home or going camping. Pick one.

 

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